One Day’s Nightmarish Journey into the merciless news

Jesus! Just scanning the New York Times late this afternoon was to plunge headlong into the nasty abyss of surreality-based BushWorld. There it all was, screaming at me within the span of a moment’s glance: international chaos, looming domestic disaster and fiscal insanity run amok. I hadn’t planned on drinking tonight, but after the Times and all its unfit news, I did. The experience reminded me of my old college prof who said that after hearing Kennedy’s “Missile” speech he raced to the liquor cabinet, thinking such solace would be his last. Things are getting that weird out there.

On the right side of the page, as always, was the online market report. The Dow was down again, way down, nearly 130 points. The reason? “The American economy slowed [took a dive] during the first quarter to its weakest [most anemic] pace in two years, the government reported [broke down and admitted] today, as business spending faltered [see above, “dove”] and the trade deficit widened [blew up]… Today's data [unbelievably bad stats] on growing inventories [bunches of unsold stuff] and rising prices [hellacious inflationary trends] suggest [are a surefire sign] that the downturn [depression] may be worse [unimaginably more horrible] than expected, some analysts said [choked].”

In the front page’s middle was a photograph of scandal-plagued and reelection-troubled Tony Blair, all-too-willing victim of BushWorld-Think, and just to the left of that was the headline, I kid you not, “Woodpecker Thought to Be Extinct Is Sighted in Arkansas” -- making me think for a brief moment that Tony had taken it on the lam in the comforting arms of his old pal Bubba.

But no, Blair was still in Britain, though I imagine Arkansas is looking pretty good. New details had been released on Tony’s decision to join George in Iraq, and things weren’t quite what Tony had been saying. It seems his attorney general had told him prior to the war that since the U.N. Security Council had set the first Iraq war’s cease-fire terms, "it is for the Council to assess whether any such breach of those obligations has occurred.” And then, typically British, the A.G. had delivered to Tony the understatements of the year: “The U.S. have a rather different view: they maintain that the fact of whether Iraq is in breach is a matter of objective fact which may therefore be assessed by individual member states. I am not aware of any other state which supports this view.” Capital. Just capital. But it’s bombs away anyway, heh old boy?

Tony, however, assessed the rancid situation differently than the same rancid situation has been assessed in the U.S. “It was about a decision. I took it. I have to live with the consequences of it.” Consequences? They have those in British politics?

As if all that wasn’t enough, then bam! – on the left side of the page, a $2.57 trillion federal budget for 2006 is announced by GOP fiscal conservatives. "If you like deficits, you're going to love this budget," said Democratic Senator Kent Conrad of North Dakota, followed by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi saying that "there may be as much as $8 to $10 billion in combination of Medicaid and Medicare cuts."

That was followed by the news that critical support for the budget by moderate Republican Senator Gordon Smith, who had “spearheaded a drive to eliminate reductions in the growth of spending on Medicaid,” had been secured, but even better, that the selfsame moderate had recommended that this Congress “create a commission to study the future of the program.” It was all too much.

Seeking relief, I turned on the Michael Jackson cable network, CNN, only to be instantly confronted by BushWorld-Speak and the amateur “We still at war” news hour, in which George just as instantly and rather bizarrely insulted his own party for “balking at doing hard work.” It was grim. Grimmer than grim, actually.

Yes, chemical solace … the only escape, indeed, professor.

Comments

[Jeff R]

What next? Exploding toads?

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200504/s1352292.htm

Better have another beer. This is a sure sign of the Apocalypse.

[trex]

No, that is not a sign of the apocalypse. A sure sign of the Apoc is that the ACLU assisted Rush Limbaugh in his appeal to suppress the medical records the police seized.

The ACLU will truly, defend the scum of the earth.

TREX

[Black Dog]

Yeah, I'm watching the "majors" on the evening news, and so far ABC has simply dropped the ball. The funny thing is how they keep running without it. The dumbshits. Where is that beer?