McCain performs self-testectomy

While tooling around Iowa yesterday on the increasingly oxymoronic "Straight Talk Express," Republican Senator John McCain emasculated himself right before an audience of journalist spectators, one of whom happened to be the NYT's Adam Nagourney, who recorded the bloody details of the excruciatingly painful self-procedure.

Who suffered more -- Mr. McCain, his surgical assistants, or the reporters -- may be debatable, but suffering was indeed the nut of it, as the presidential candidate squirmed and hesitated but nevertheless proceeded to excise his manhood, right there, right there on the bus, in deference to the Christian right's vigilant eyes.

The complex and elective deballsification came somewhat unexpectedly in response to a reporter's simple question:

Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?

"Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it."

Mr. McCain could have, and should have, stopped right there, with his manhood intact, leaving the controversial matter in the capable and saving hands of the good Dr. Tom Coburn, who moonlights as a Republican U.S. senator with a sterling 100-percent Christian Coalition rating. But that level of approved perfection is impossible to achieve if one thinks for himself like a man, so the self-conscious Arizonan grabbed his crotch with one hand and reached for a scalpel with the other.

The squeamish may not care to read on.

Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.

"I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it."

By now, however, the reporter smelled the coming blood. Poor Mr. McCain was slinking in his seat and splashing the Betadine on his privates like Aqua Velva.

What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?

"(Long pause) 'Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.'"

So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?

"(Long pause) 'You’ve stumped me.'"

Not quite. For Mr. McCain was actually in the process of "stumping" himself.

I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?

After some damn-the-torpedoes still-manly laughter in the face of self-mutilation: "Are we on the Straight Talk Express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it in the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian [his press secretary], would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it."

But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: "No, we’re not going to distribute them," knowing that?

(Long pause) "Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver [a senior adviser] to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before."

With that, it was over. Done .. with Mr. McCain now speaking a couple octaves higher -- a self-inflicted condition never to be reversed.

It is odd and sad, is it not, that the Christian right extols rugged manhood, but shuns all those who dare to behave with anything less than eunuch-like slavishness. It is even odder -- not to mention sadder -- when a real man, which John McCain indisputably was once, bows to its self-righteous demands for self-emasculation.

Goodbye, Mr. McCain. And if it's any consolation, at least in impotent retirement you'll be able to look back and recollect the precise moment at which you kissed your own goodies goodbye. You won't have to sit and wonder about why, when, where, and how you lost them.

Comments

[Vic Anderson]

Today, when politics is only TALK, STRAIGHT may just be hypocrisy for GAY and in his present condition, McCain may be the Rebiblicans' BEYATCH! Better hope they hypocritically use rubbers, John!

[duff westbrook]

it's called an orchidectomy not a testectomy>
t.

[Wordbuff]

Tell that to Stedman's Medical Dictionary. "Orchiectomy [not 'orchidectomy']. Also called testectomy."

[Audrey]

Sounds to me like he may just be in the first stage of Alzheimer's.

[Large Marge]

Orchidectomy is the removal of a flower from your private parts!

[Mooser]

An excellent exegisis of the excision.

[Betsy]

The Straight Talk Express left the station when McCain went straight to CA to campaign on the train with Bush right after Bush beat him in NY by using the Wylie brothers to launch that attack ad about McCain being against cancer, which appeared on a Friday leaving McCain little time to respond by Tuesday (the pre-curser of the Swift Boat ads which lie about Viet nam vets, et. al.)
There was no straight talk left in him, just the submissive loyalty oath to his new captor,the former tormentor, Bush. Perhaps, if McCain had kept following Bush with his Straight Talk Express at that time thru the remaining campaign in retribution, and in revenge for all the attacks against his own family, rather than loyal gushing support, Bush would never have been President.
He thought he won the future prize, but he lost his soul.

[U. Whinge]

So McCain says he adopts Bush's position - "abstinence only". That's so Waspy of him.

Let's look to the laboratory of the radical right - Texas - the place where it all started - the state that condemned us with Bush.

The average annual incidence rate of AIDS among women in Texas was highest among African Americans at 33.9, compared to 5.1 for Hispanic women, and 3.1 for Anglos. Texas ranks first in percentage of children without health insurance, and next to last in the number of children who have been immunized.

Texas does not require schools, nor does it provide state funds, to give students information on HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, or pregnancy prevention education. In a statewide survey of Texas high school students, almost half have had sexual intercourse at least once in their lifetime.

Among currently sexually active students, only about half (55.4%) reported that they or their partner had used a condom during their last sexual intercourse. Only 10% reported that they or their partner had used birth control pills before their last sexual intercourse.

Texas has no state law or administrative rule that addresses attendance for pregnant or parenting students, nor does it require districts to offer alternative programs for such students.

Texas ranks No. 5 on teenage birthrate, and ranks 2nd in the overall birthrate.

Yeah....Bush's "abstinence only" policy really works well.

If you want more of Bush, vote McCain.

[jon b]

McCain;

You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it in the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian [his press secretary], would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it."

WOW!!! Is McCain a confused man or what? "What's my position? Someone tell me, after all I'm only running for president. I shouldn't have my position memorized or something. Hey Brian, maybe you could run for president rather than me."

McCain has become a tired old man, losing his memory and losing his vitality. Comparing him to a Democratic candidate for president from the same age group Mike Gravel is a world of difference. Gravel (who I wish got half the media attention that McCain gets) is a much quick thinker and would never have to ask his aide what his position on an issue is.

[Doug@usa.com]

Without his Israeli masters to write the script, he doesn't know what to say!

However, this wasn't the de-ballification of McCain. He de-ballified himself the moment he accepted Israeli money and control. He became a eunuch the moment he decided to be a Republican (or Democrat) politician.

Republicans and Democrats are the most heinous, disgusting, dishonest, traitorous and corrupt creatures on earth. The first thing the world needs to do to heal itself is exterminate all Republicans and Democrats.

[Mooser]

Doug, be nice.

[angie]

The sad and frightening thing is that McCain is electable.

The vast majority of Americans see him as a "moderate" in spite of his 20 year voting record which clearly reveals him to be either just another right wingnut or the ultimate panderer. I'm not sure which is worse, but unless the word gets out to the sleeping masses who still thing FOX NOISE is NEWS, McCain could ride his undeserved reputation as a moderate all the way to the White House.

At least with Romney you know what you get, a no-talent, no-experience, proud-to-be right wing bigot. I actually hope Romney gets the Republican nomination; he'll be real easy to beat.

America needs a rational, classy statesman at the helm. An Al Gore, a Wesley Clark, a Barack Obama.

[matthew lambert]

He has to ask his press secretary what his position is?This speaks volumes about the fact that what he is spewing is not his own perspective,but that of someone else.That is just f---ing scary.