Newt after midnight

My apologies for writing about Mr. Gingrich twice in one week. It's a sadistic imposition on you and masochistic for me. But, his unrelenting evil makes public vigilance (I just typed "pubic vigilance" first; a Freudian slip) a civic obligation. So no matter how much he makes our skin crawl, his presence merits a certain prominence in any regular commentary. As pre-fortification I recommend Gas-X and a liberal shot of scotch.

Newt has become another, perpetually reinventing Nixon -- without the brains. Like some classical music that isn't really as good as it sounds, he's a windbag cum laude who nevertheless has the strategic foresight to pepper conservative media with subsidiary puppets who periodically praise him as an underdoggedly "big idea man."

You will notice, however, that the puppets never actually cite any of these big ideas. When you can find one, merely scratching its surface reveals a lurking imbecility normally found only in booby hatches where similar "big ideas" sprout hourly like mushrooms. Best to keep any details of his genius murky.

But let us not further tarry on the nonexistent or insane. Let us, rather, proceed to the latest talk of the town about Newt, which as you know by now has centered on his family values. In brief, he likes fresh and numerous ones. Families, that is, not values. Come to think of it, in his case this tedious rallying cry should be "families values."

Yet what a contrite little demagogue he is. Though his purification did not quite measure up to Jimmy Swaggart's on-air emotional catharsis, Newt braced himself for Focus on the Famil(ies)'s James Dobson's lumbering softball question about dalliances with ladies other than his wife(s) -- Mr. Dobson tastefully eschewed the more common term: adultery -- and answered, according to the cleansed AP transcript, "The honest answer is yes." (His actual response on tape was somewhat stuttered, with a "well" and a "fact is.")

Naturally, given Speaker Ahab's recent obsession with ridding our fair nation of high government officials who've engaged in improper conduct, his public confession to what everyone already knew raised the question: Is he a hypocrite?

To which I answer: No, or at least not really. For that's an insult to hypocrisy. I, for instance, am a hypocrite when I forgive liberal politicians for dipping into conservative customs of back-peddling and flip-flopping they normally decry, and of course they're hypocrites when they do it. But that's just necessary tradition, and playing with its finer edges is an exquisite and noble political art.

Newt, however, transcends mere hypocrisy. Wrapped in the flag, toting a cross, and still unforgiving of others, he stretches insincerity to unexplored heights, insulting not only hypocrisy, but every traditional notion of authentic remorse and genuine contrition. Any real man of his hyperactive balls would simply say "I screwed up and, consequently, out of verifiable sorrow I'm outta here." But that of course would mean he's actually outta here, and, like Nixon, "outta here" isn't something Newt does.

So let us not cast the forgiving and easily escapable net of hypocrisy over Newt. Let us, rather, express ourselves with lasting Old Testament wrath, and simply treat him as what he is: a squalid, unrepentant little man of utmost detestability.

Comments

[joann cole]

Right on the money! I will be glad when I never have to hear his name again. Great commentary!

[RogerART.com]

GREAT words PHIL

As they say in Vermont

That's A - Piss-A

[Marty]

And I sayeth; amen to that!!!!!!

[Zola Daniels]

Great article!!!!! Yes every time I ask What great ideas "Ole" Newt has no one can remember!!!! I think he should write a book on how to cheat on your wife when you get tired of her.
ZLD in ILL.

[JohnDWoodSr]

All of Newts indiscretions can be attributed to thinking with his "cheney" instead of his big head.

[gary blair]

do not ever count little adolf out. remember he has all of the #1 Nazi's ( murdock ) 's money behind him. They will just let all the others self-destruct.

[sulphurdunn]

Conservatives necessarily equate low cunning with high intellect.

[Bobby Decker]

NEWT WORLD ORDER 2008
I would,nt count him out America loves gimmicks with the right
Lee Attwater Carl Rove puppet master and all the major news
controled by multinational corps.
he could travel across the country
in a {MAGIC BUS?} called the "FREE
TRADE EXPRESS" or travel Americas ghost towns preaching the gospel
of a good global economony call it the WHISPERING PAST THE GRAVE
YARD TOUR add the token oppisition
of Hilliary Clinton and it could
happen people like me vote for the Ralph Nader canidate because
we realized a long time ago Newt
and the Clintons were more co conspitors than advasaries!!!!

[Bobby Decker]

NEWT WORLD ORDER 2008
I would,nt count him out America loves gimmicks with the right
Lee Attwater Carl Rove puppet master and all the major news
controled by multinational corps.
he could travel across the country
in a {MAGIC BUS?} called the "FREE
TRADE EXPRESS" or travel Americas ghost towns preaching the gospel
of a good global economony call it the WHISPERING PAST THE GRAVE
YARD TOUR add the token oppisition
of Hilliary Clinton and it could
happen people like me vote for the Ralph Nader canidate because
we realized a long time ago Newt
and the Clintons were more co conspitors than advasaries!!!!

[Bobby Decker]

NEWT WORLD ORDER 2008
I would,nt count him out America loves gimmicks with the right
Lee Attwater Carl Rove puppet master and all the major news
controled by multinational corps.
he could travel across the country
in a {MAGIC BUS?} called the "FREE
TRADE EXPRESS" or travel Americas ghost towns preaching the gospel
of a good global economony call it the WHISPERING PAST THE GRAVE
YARD TOUR add the token oppisition
of Hilliary Clinton and it could
happen people like me vote for the Ralph Nader canidate because
we realized a long time ago Newt
and the Clintons were more co conspitors than advasaries!!!!

[Vic Anderson]

Who spews Bushist-style valueless families.

[Lynn Applegate]

My first thought on hearing his totally unrepentant confession was damn, Molly would have loved this. Newtie is an insensitive hypocritical liar and that's his good side. He served divorce papers on his first wife in the hospital as she recovered from surgery for uterine cancer. Then he married the women with whom he cheated and then cheated on her while trying to impeach Clinton for lieing about cheating. Twice divorced men with with histories of cheating and lieing doesn't seem to be a problem to supposed party of family values these days, after all Giuliani is at the top of the polls for prez. Who could have figured.