As The Politico so depressingly reported yesterday, Newt Gingrich "has been sending signals making clear that a presidential candidacy for him is becoming less likely."
Damn. We've been waiting all year for him to throw his oversized hat into the ring, and I, for one, just don't know if I can face a Newt-less race. His imperious pontification makes conspicuous the dreadful banality of his competitors, and makes him a desperate political junkie's fix.
Also distressing is that Gingrich has alerted the Associated Press that if Fred Thompson "runs and does well, then I think that makes it easier for me not to run."
Did you catch that phrasing? Fred's run would "make it easier" for Newt to resist -- that is, somehow thwart the riotous clamor for his salvational candidacy. Sadly, should he find the inner Nietzschean will to resist, his vast egocentricity and colossal self-aggrandizement could very well be squandered.
There is, however, some upbeat and offsetting news. It seems Newt has also been cozying up to the furtive Mr. Thompson, he of that tantalizing, come-hither look. "Privately, [Gingrich] and some of his closest advisers have been meeting with ... the lobbyist-actor and former Tennessee senator," reports The Politico.
So all may not be lost. Newt's former communications director has shifted -- or, permit me to dream, has been shifted -- to the Thompson campaign, and Mr. Big Ideas dined "with Thompson ... at the former senator's home in McLean, Va., on July 16, according to two Republican sources close to both men. A Thompson aide would say only that 'a good policy discussion' was had over the meal."
Of that I have no doubt, though I imagine the discussion was a trifle one-sided. Newt likely had the education crisis unilaterally resolved before appetizers, immigration reformed by the entree, and world peace imposed through U.S. hegemony by dessert.
But I say all may not be lost because of the intriguing potential -- perhaps even deliberate suggestion by the former senator's camp -- of a Thompson-Gingrich ticket in the works. Naturally we'd prefer Gingrich-Thompson, but, as The Politico ... lamented?:
"Gingrich would face considerable hurdles [as a presidential candidate]. Aside from the practical challenges of building a campaign organization just months before the first primaries, a Gingrich bid would summon coverage about his conduct as speaker, both public and private."
Yet once Dick Cheney is pried from the West Wing, I have every confidence we'll resume our national indifference as to who the veep might be, hence the media-circus potential of a mere Gingrich-v.p. candidacy would be happily hindered. Or at least that's the story the media should peddle to the Thompson campaign, if they know what's good for them -- and us junkies.
A certain Merle Black, full professor of the dark political arts, is quoted by The Politico as saying "in the extremely unlikely event of a Gingrich nomination, Democrats would relish his candidacy as the second coming of Barry Goldwater."
But hold up a moment. We'll gladly settle for Newton L. Gingrich as William E. Miller, Barry's '64 running mate chosen mostly because, as the pragmatic Arizonan said, "he drives Johnson nuts."
Which is precisely what Newt could do for Fred. Just imagine all those marvelous months of vice-presidential candidate Gingrich, out there on the stump, independently privatizing Social Security and the TVA and local fire departments, and thoroughly unnerving Thompson Central but endlessly delighting us, the politically addicted and easily amused.
If there's a God in heaven, He'll hear our prayers and grant us this modest but fervent request: Please let it be "Thompson-Gingrich in '08."
