It's almost too hard to go on, without Sam. Yesterday the Kansas senator cashed in his unconsecrated chips at the Hilton Washington Hotel, where 2,000 of his fellow thumpers had gathered in attendance at the "Value Voters Summit" to witness his unofficial withdrawal from the secular sewer of presidential campaigning.
There is, however, hope. First, "Political observers in Kansas expect that he will seek the governor's office in 2010," positioning him nicely as an apostolic state executive readied for ascension in 2012 or '16. And even more hopeful were Sam's words themselves: "My yellow brick road came just short of the White House this time" -- those final two words representing a calculated coyness that ranks as perhaps the earliest campaign announcement in the history of national salvation.
Yet other than that futuristic promise, despair has settled in, among and throughout the authoritarian-Christian community. They're put-out, flummoxed and peeved, for the blessed pickings are thin -- even thinner than the transubstantiating wafers they rapturously dine on each week.
Oh, sure, there's former governor Mike Huckabee. But if ever there was a strategic face that bespoke "vice-presidential candidate," it is his. And now it's a sure thing he won't be attending funerals and non-alcoholic cocktail parties for his would-have-been boss, Sam, which leaves the thumpers with -- holy gasps -- a Mormon, a Moderate and a Monotony.
At the summit, "Romney presented himself" -- one imagines on all fours -- "as the antiabortion, pro-family, pro-religion contender whom Christian conservatives are seeking." But those of the One and True Faith aren't buying it. His faith is just ... well, weird, what with all those miracles and divine revelations and strange and knowing rumors of a Second Coming and all that really unbelievable stuff. Plus his horns come out at night when Christian conservatives sit down and witness all those antique videos of Mitt presenting himself as the pro-choice, pro-gay rights contender whom Christian conservatives can't piously get over. No, Mitt just won't do.
Then there's Rudy, who "is scheduled to face [down] the group this morning with a message that emphasizes areas where he agrees with social conservatives, such as national security, taxes and the economy." That is, of course, a shell game, and authoritarian Christians won't be dazzled by ungodly distractions like a healthy economy.
Gary Bauer, whom James Dobson rankled by calling for a GOP alternative, has told the national-security authoritarians over at the Weekly Standard that "Rudy will have to ... embrace in public certain things that he's not been willing to do." If that was a plea, Gary, you'll get your answer this morning. Rudy isn't budging.
And finally there's Fred -- or at least we think there's Fred -- who barely bothered to get out of his p.j.s yesterday to deliver monotonal banalities that usually stir the pious masses, but in this case received only "polite applause." He then partially redeemed himself with this chestnut: In his first presidential hour, he would "go into the Oval Office, close the door and pray." So would we, Fred.
But it wasn't enough. Yea, verily, not nearly enough. As one disappointed attendee, a certain Ronald Sell, put it: "He didn’t look good.... If he was the candidate, we’d be in trouble."
Here's one of those good news/bad news things, Mr. Sell. Fred won't be your candidate, but you're still in trouble.
Why? Because you're looking for a divine savior in this pigsty of humanity. You have yet to grasp that God -- if a God there be -- gave you and us the rational tools to make our own little heaven here on Earth, if only we would. But beyond the provisioning of those tools, He, the Tough Lover, ain't gonna help much.
If you, Mr. Sell, believe Faith will do the trick of bringing about divine meddling into secular affairs, just look around you -- literally, for Heaven's sake. There are plenty of equally Faithful teenage girls, for instance, being beaten, raped and burned out of their homes, if not worse, in that regional hellhole of Darfur, yet their pitiable pleadings go unanswered from above.
Yet you, Mr. Sell, and your like-minded brethren believe He profoundly gives a Holy rip about your straw polls and presidential beauty contests?
Furthermore, Mr. Sell. if you honestly believe in His omniscience, He already knows how all the contests will turn out, so kick back and relax and accept the predestined inevitable.
On the other hand, if He awaits anything with uncertainty -- if free will is a player at all down here -- what He awaits is your grasping of the secular-to-divine reality that we should, simply, be our brothers' keepers. I believe that's in your Book, Mr. Sell, which contains a mention or two about seed spilling, but also thousands about poverty, et al.
So take your misguided hatreds and false pieties and petty prejudices and authoritarian attitudes somewhere else. And don't get pissed off when you belatedly discover that if God has any kind of plan, it is -- to your way of thinking -- an abominably progressive one.
***
Dear reader,
Underemployment continues to plague this humble scribe, so once again I must ask for your help. I realize you are implored by all sides and sources for financial assistance, and that you have your own financial difficulties. But if at all possible, if you can contribute $10, $20, $50 or whatever amount, and haven't already done so in the last year, it would go a long way in ensuring the consistent offerings of this site (that is, so I won't have to add more underemployment to the current underemployment to get the bills paid, meaning less time to write the offerings).
The quickest method of lending your support is through Paypal. You can click the button below ...
... and I hope you will now.
Many, many thanks in advance. I wouldn't ask if it weren't exceedingly necessary.
Best,
P.M.
Vitter, Craig, Haggard, Foley, Tobias, Gingrich ....
G.O.P. = Grody OLD Perverts
y'all wish you knew how to party like we do
Posted by: GOPguy | October 20, 2007 at 01:34 PM