Rich Lowry, at it again

We thought it impossible--that Rich Lowry, of the National Review, could ever eclipse or even once again match the idolatry-splattering and heroine-worship of his splendidly unforgettable 2008 piece: 

I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me".... [I]t was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.

And Lowry caught it. Kids, beware of MTDs: moronically transmitted diseases.

But, as I was saying, how could he ever match that? Sad truth is, he probably never will: platinum orgasms in print come only once in a lifetime. But today, in Politico, he's close--so very, very close.

On Medicare, the Romney campaign is borrowing the strategic logic of a long-ago military legend.

Taking command of the French 9th army in 1914 as it retreated before the Germans, Marshal Ferdinand Foch uttered his immortals words: "Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I attack."

For starters, there are no real "legends" from that most militarily wretched of wars, least of all Marshal Foch. Repeatedly hurling thousands upon thousands of defenseless subordinates into the maw of a human-grinding machine is now universally regarded as somewhat less than legendarily brilliant. Yet that's precisely what Foch and his similarly, grotesquely unimaginative British allies proceeded to do.

The result? Four years of filthy trench warfare--or, looked at another way (which is Lowry's adoring way), the desperate equivalent of 82 days of a filthy presidential campaign.

Lowry knows Romney can never advance; he can attack, he can slaughter, he can abandon the battlefield stripped of all human integrity--but he cannot win. The opposition won't collapse, as it did 94 years ago, and Marshal Romney has no outside forces to save him.

So, Lowry's Foched up advice? Dig in. Lay senseless waste. And pray for a miracle.

Comments

[Robert Lipscomb]

Really? He wants Republicans to be French Fochers? Really?

Satire can go ahead and take an 84 day holiday from the election.

[AnneJ]

It kind of sounds like the advice John Boehner gave to congressional republicans yesterday to go all offense on their medicare vote.

[Bruce Adams]

More importantly, as was the case with French mutineers in June of 1917, the Republican High Command stands ready to exile or execute all those within the ranks who question their wisdom.

[Peter G]

At least he didn't use the "Hitler in his bunker" metaphor. The fuhrer oscillated frequently between despair and hope that a breach between the allies would provide salvation.

[Beauzeaux]

Marshall Foch? That's how far back he has to go? And then to Foch?

Really, it is amazing that people get paid for writing that sort of tripe.