When giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day, many Americans lift muttered voices of fumbling platitudes to some generic invisibility of doubtful existence and even more questionable receptivity. I generally abstain from this globally unexceptional ritual, officially sanctioned in our case during that mid-19th-century decade in which we godly Americans were slaughtering one another with monstrous fury over the philosophical merits of melanin.
This year I'm making an exception. I know precisely whom I wish to thank, and why.
Thank you, thank you, endless thanks to you, Mr. President, and Mr. Vice President, as well as your allied House and Senate candidates, for conducting altogether splendid and thus victorious campaigns against the vulgar Romney-Ryan and its assorted, downballot djinns. True, that generic invisibility of doubtful existence seemed to favor you all along--and, like a sabotaging ventriloquist, to diabolically plant the most appalling, campaign-dooming utterances in the mouths of Mitt Romney & Friends--but only your human exertion really pulled this thing off.
Again, thank you, because four wretched years of Romney-Ryan's hateful divisiveness and its aligned tea-partying malevolence might well have reduced us to another immense, and possibly bloody, family squabble.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. This year, it's not just an empty phrase.