You be the judge; it's beyond me

I swear I'm not sure. This Politico op-ed, by one Keith Koffler, is so laughably dumb it may be a parody. But if that's the case, it's also so seemingly sincere that it throws me hopelessly off the scent, leaving behind only slack-jawed bewilderment.

The mystery begins with the title--"Republicans need to go negative"--which, one would think, is enough stunning irony to guarantee nothing but its unmistakable continuation. In accordance with this theory the author immediately urges--with what seems like self-evident seriousness--that though negative they must go, "Republicans should not lower themselves to the level of a president who routinely lobs ad hominem political epithets their way."

OK, that's absurd, right? Most presidential observers of mere human patience have prayed for five years that just once Obama would explode by lobbing an ad hominem political epithet Republicans' way. No luck. The man seems to be congenitally incapable of spontaneous ire. Hence Koffler keeps the reader on the this-must-be-a-parody hook.  

Yet then he segues into a bizarre litany of right-wing orthodoxies to be pitted against "a left-wing philosophy that is curbing freedom and prosperity for all"--and finally he substitutes his rabid foam with a drooling tribute to ... Ronald Reagan.

So hell I don't know. Keith Koffler is either a fucking lunatic or he's the most brilliant satirist since Swift.

Comments

[Tom]

Just... wow.

I took a look at the man's website and at first glance felt relief that the column must've been satire. Then I looked at the actual "satire" page on the site and found Koffler's real level of parodic genius and political perspicacity.

Sample these representative efforts:
http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2013/02/20/breaking-news-exclusive-footage-michelle-skiing/

and

http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2013/01/24/hillarys-top-ten-excuses-benghazi/

Jesus, I am told, wept.

[Jon Ponder]

Shorter Koffler: It's midnight in America.

[Robert Lipscomb]

Today's GOP reminds me of a Frank Zappa character, Studebaker Hoch, who was a super-hero and savior of the economy.

There is always a Zappa reference for whatever ails us.

[Turgidson]

This is sort of meta and not 100% about this post or this Koffler character, but:

I'm hoping that this phase of complete media inanity we're in now is a parallel to what happened in 2005-2006, when it became obvious even to the biggest Bush-worshipping bootlickers in the Village that their hero was in fact a giant, mendacious, incompetent fraud, and they risked looking like total fools if they kept refusing to acknowledge it in the face of mountainous evidence. In the 6-9 months after Bush won in 2004, I was in despair that the narrative would never shift. And then, grudgingly, years late and after countless lives lost and dollars wasted, it did.

Can it be that the "both sides do it" narrative, at least with respect to Obama vs. the Teabaggers, is entering its death throes? I'm not ready to get optimistic yet, but this last month or two in particular does seem similar to the stubborn contortions the blowhards went through as the Bush-is-great house of cards began crumbling as it had to.

[Peter G]

I thought your puzzlement was a literary contrivance. Read the op-ed and Holy Shit! It isn't. I literally cannot tell if this is or is not a piece of satire directed at the nutty wing of the Republican party or the distilled essence of it. Works either way.

[AnneJ]

Either this guy has been on top of a mountain the last four years, he's really stupid, or expects his readers to be. I don't know, I've never heard of this guy. But if republicans were to go any more negative, they'd be calling the president the "N" word right to his face and on camera.

[priscianus jr]

I think I'm a pretty good snark detector. I'm sure this guy is for real. I doubt he even understands what sarcasm is.
Besides, the tone reminds me of another piece I read earlier today on a conservative site. Evidently the Republicans are feeling unloved, misunderstood, and really, really sorry for themselves right now. So naturally they blame Obama. But they blame each other too -- for being weak in the face of the Kenyan usurper.
They obviously don't know what the fuck is going on. They have zero self-awareness, nearly everything they "know" is bullshit, and it's always someone else's fault.
http://www.americanthinker.com/2012/12/boehner_orchestrating_the_gops_demise.html

[AJ]

All the comments readers have made on this stupidity are correct. But what caught my eye in this usual brand of armpit music from the Reich-wingers was this:

"Mitt Romney indeed attacked Obama’s policies and delineated his failures. But, NOT BEING A TRUE CONSERVATIVE, he couldn’t explain why Obama’s policies don’t work, or why conservative ideas would succeed."

Yeah. That's the REAL problem. Conservatism can never fail. It can only be failed. Romney just wasn't conservative enough; a lie blown apart by enough Republicans post-election who look around like Ozymandias and wonder, "WTF...?" They are in the minority.

Is there any issue in the past 50-years about which conservatives have been right?

For decades they have been horribly, astonishingly, unequivocally, and ludicrously wrong about almost every major issue, losing on everything from the culture wars, to the welfare state, to the economy, to health care, to debts and deficits, to multiple wars, to foreign policy, but this idiot ignores all that and comes up with this drivel.