Rob Portman, a conservative hugged by reality

One of the many aphoristic raps on liberals is that they're actually conservatives who haven't yet been mugged by reality. The real men of conservatism, along with scattered but diminishing numbers of real women, simply never tire of roasting this tired old chestnut: squatting on his haunches at neolithic gatherings such as CPAC, some tribal wag is always sure to remind his primitive playmates that brother so-and-so over there, now present among them, was a liberal until ...

Grunts, snorts and guffaws of knowing approval then ensue.

It's a peculiar but unfailing phenomenon, this aphoristic rap of conservatives as reality-mugged liberals: unfailing, because it never fails; peculiar, because anecdotal evidence (conservatives' preferred kind) points in the opposite direction.

Many conservatives are immensely proud of their abstract notions of how the world works or how it should work--until reality hits them in a personal way. Some young conservatives are gung-ho on the romanticism of war, for instance, until they find themselves in the unbearable carnage of one, while somewhat older conservatives denounce the evils of debt or our wicked litigiousness, until they need a huge loan or need to sue the bejesus out of some tortious wrongdoer.

Or perhaps they're philosophically, ideologically, religiously, unflinchingly opposed to all loves and marriages but the "traditional" ones--until a close family member introduces that alternate reality into their lives. I give you Ohio's Sen. Rob Portman:

I have come to believe that if two people are prepared to make a lifetime commitment to love and care for each other in good times and in bad, the government shouldn’t deny them the opportunity to get married.

That isn’t how I’ve always felt.... [But] something happened that led me to think through my position in a much deeper way.

Two years ago, my son Will, then a college freshman, told my wife, Jane, and me that he is gay.

My dear Senator, consider yourself lucky. The liberal-to-conservative conversion is invariably framed as the violent one of a "mugging," whereas your conservative-to-liberal conversion--on this issue, at least--is merely one of being lovingly touched by understanding and acceptance. Welcome to the real, and gentler, world.

Comments

[Peter G]

I bow to you sir.

[japa21]

This is not uncommon, of course. Another example, if I may.
In a previous life, I was a case manager specializing in mental health and substance abuse cases for an insurance company. This happened to be a company that worked with a lot of large employers, particularly self insured employers.
MH/SA benefits were, basically determined by the employer and many policies were really limited. Until, of course, a family member of one of the higher ups suddenly required treatment for say schizophrenia or autism or some other conditions were a limit of 10 days inpatient or 30 outpatient sessions would definitely not suffice. Almost always, the plan language would change to allow better coverage.

Conservatives frequently love in a world that may run parallel to the real world but is insulated from many of the concerns of the real world. When there is a crossover, changes occur, as they did with Portman.

[AnneJ]

I was a conservative touched by reality and that was before my son came out to me. For me the hardest part was worrying about how others would treat him. And I don't even belong to the party that discriminates against gays. I can't imagine how people like Dick Cheney and Rob Portman must feel. That's their crowd.

[Turgidson]

I welcome every convert to the right side of history.

I do get annoyed that the converts are treated as braver than those who were just tolerant all along, but so it goes.

I also get annoyed that so many of these people don't come around until they are personally affected. It's likes gays aren't human beings to them until they discover that someone they know and love is gay. Frustrating.

I realize that being a GOP politician right now means living in mortal fear of the mean-spirited, regressive base they rely on for votes. So flipping on this issue does carry risk in that sense. And I appreciate that every Portman moves the ball forward a little more. I just think it's sad that political expediency so often trumps simple decency.

I was frustrated with Obama, too, in the sense that it seemed clear as day that he was OK with gay marriage long before he said so in public, but refused to say so for political reasons. I understood his reasons, but was disgusted that such calculations are even considered necessary on an issue of basic fairness and equality. I can only imagine how frustrating the civil rights era was for the naturally-tolerant.

[Peter G]

And now I bow to those whose comments and astute observations make this place a refuge of sanity. Thank you one and all.

[Suzanne Holland]

Thank you Peter, that was perfectly stated! It's why I love this place too!

[MinneapolisPipe]

It certainly is funny how some people choose empathy only when it affects them.

This is one of your most eloquent posts, Mr. PM.