Republican members of the United States House of Representatives are in full-panic mode. Now that less than one in five Americans has confidence that Republican lawmakers are even a trifle interested in people’s everyday problems, the Republicans, rather than addressing these everyday problems, have reached into the old demagoguery grab bag to kick the numbers up a bit -- and fast.
One can easily imagine the strategy session … Let’s see. Hmmm. What shameless piece of political falderal haven’t we hauled out for a while. Death tax? No, too soon. Some poor white woman in a vegetative state? Has anyone checked the wires? Whoa. Strike that. That one backfired. Any House cafeteria munchies with Frenchie names we can scoff at? Hold it. That one backfired too. But wait. What’s … this …? Hellooo. Ah, a real chestnut -- the flag desecration amendment. Just what the doctor ordered. This should chew up hours of airtime and vats of print ink that otherwise would have gone to something important.
When asked why this joke of a perennial loser was brought up for debate now, especially since her fellow Republicans recently pledged to refocus on actual problems, Rep. Deborah Pryce showed some finesse at playing the political version of Kevin Bacon’s six-degrees-of-separation game: “You know, this is probably as relevant to people’s lives now as any other time because of what’s going on with Democrats putting everybody in the world before our soldiers and the American safety. They’re so worried about what’s going on at Guantanamo Bay. And the flag has a place in that debate.”
Personally, I think Debbie could have done better by associating the urgency of a flag amendment with assaults on the pledge of allegiance and school prayer -- she then could have worked God into the subject, scoring double-bonus points. But what do I know? One should leave demagoguery to the professionals, I suppose.
As it turns out, though, House Republicans may have more in mind with the reintroduced flag-desecration bill than just a respite from public scorn. They may also be trying to distract the press from devouring one of their own, Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham of California, the bill’s sponsor. Right now, Randy can use all the distractions he can get.
I don’t know if you’ve been following the fortuitous escapades of Rep. Cunningham or not, but if you haven’t, you’ll soon concede that this gentleman is in a bit of a sticky wicket.
To explain, Mr. Cunningham happens to be a member of the defense appropriations subcommittee. That’s important. Remember that. Well, back in 2003 he also happened to have a house for sale in Del Mar, a little hideaway he wanted $1.675 million for. It further happened that a luckless defense contractor who lived on the other side of the country happened to be hanging with Cunningham one day, the latter of whom said (and I’m not making this up), “I tried to sell my house,” whereupon the former of whom said, “Hey, I’ll buy it…. That’s a fair price and I’ll buy it” -- long after which Cunningham said, “Now other than that, I don’t know anything about it.”
It seems, however, $1.675 million wasn’t such a fair price after all, since the new owner tried selling the place “almost immediately for roughly the same price.” Go figure. Anyway, this new owner, the hitherto luckless defense contractor, wound up taking a $700,000 loss (or more to the point, Cunningham took a $700,000 gain). But don’t feel bad for him. The poor fellow -- the one “who had been suffering through a flat period in winning Pentagon contracts” -- also wound up “reeling in tens of millions of dollars in defense and intelligence-related contracts.”
Now if you’re as much of a fan of the understatement as I am, then you’ll love the reaction to this coincidental tale by Larry Noble, director of the Center for Responsive Politics: “This doesn’t look good at all.”
No, Mr. Noble, it doesn’t indeed. Someday Mr. Cunningham and his boss, Mr. DeLay, may even be roomies at our expense. But at least for now Cunningham is fighting the good fight, discouraging Democrats from “putting everybody in the world before our soldiers and the American safety.” That’s what’s really important. And if we had any respect for the flag, if we supported our troops, if we loved our mothers and baseball and God, we’d leave Mr. Cunningham and his new $2.55 million house alone.
Why these clowns aren't in jail is beyond me. This is the most pathetic congress is the history of this country. Never before has such a collection of monumental idiots infested the government.
Posted by: Marblex | June 23, 2005 at 09:15 AM
Marblex accurately referred to our government as a "collection of monumental idiots". Now, what psychoclastic thing does that say about our fellow Americans who voted for them?
(Although let's not forget the probable role of the "black boxes", aka "HAL 1984s".)
"Psychoclastic", from Greek, meaning "breaking the soul (or mind). As far as I know, I coined it.
Posted by: Kid Charlemagne | June 23, 2005 at 09:32 AM
Duke is also currently living on Mitchell Wade's boat named the 'Duke Stir'. Surprise! that hapless contractor from MZM happens to be named Mitchell Wade, too. Small world, huh?
Posted by: tj | June 23, 2005 at 01:12 PM
What Mr. Cunningham is doing by wrapping himself in the flag in hopes that it will draw attention away from his ethically challenged actions is really the worst sort of flag desecration. Wonder if we can amend the Constitution to ban that?
Posted by: lmwilker | June 23, 2005 at 02:17 PM