Normally I would wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, but that would only please the reptilian O'Reillyites, who undoubtedly would interpret my usage as a blow for victory in their faux culture war.
So, instead, I'll wish you the more generic Happy Holidays!
Also, Happy Something-Or-Other! to those of you who still worship Baal, Isis, Dagon, Melek, Vesta, Nusku, Odin or Goibniu -- all great deities who have, alas, fallen. Or, that's the scuttlebutt, anyway.
As for you agnostics, I would like to wish you Happy Holidays as well, however I find myself unable to commit to that.
To you atheists out there, well, Satan -- or is it Hades, or Sokar? -- has your number, so I'll leave it up to him (them) to issue the proper greetings.
Oh, to hell with it. Merry Christmas!
My very best to all,
-- P.M. Carpenter
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