There were two items juxtaposed on the New York Times' front page yesterday, with the first -- "From Bush, Foe of Earmarks, Similar Items" -- seeming to stand in answer to the second -- "Republicans Weighing the Benefits of Bush's Embrace."
It's hard to imagine any party as suicidal as the Democratic, but this year we may have a real contender. For there they are, those ideologically disheveled and disoriented Republicans, still "weighing the benefits" of staying in bed with the one who so dramatically disheveled and disoriented them.
Perhaps they're merely victims of the Stockholm syndrome. But whatever it is, there's something deeply self-destructive about a party wanting to -- needing to -- recertify itself as the party of fiscal responsibility, and then even think about being seen anywhere in public with likes of George W. Bush, Friend of Earmarks.
Because a friend he is, indeed. To budget-busting earmarks, that is. Not his fellow Republicans.
As our story unfolds, we find the president deep in the muck of his familiar hypocrisy: "President Bush often denounces the propensity of Congress to earmark money for pet projects. But in his new budget, Mr. Bush has requested money for thousands of similar projects."
Some of the projects are even among those the president has already denounced as typical waste, Congressional-style, such as millions "to deal with plant pests like the emerald ash borer." But he now wants to attack as well "the light brown apple moth and the sirex woodwasp," as well as lavish nearly a million on (swing-state) Missouri for a fish hatchery, a million and a half for a waterway in (swing-state) Louisiana, and "$6.5 million for research in Wyoming" -- I know not how reliable Wyoming got in there -- to address those burning and age-old questions regarding the "fundamental properties of asphalt."
Now, you're likely to say: Those are the same as earmarks, right? Well, you would be wrong. And you'll just have to take the White House's word for it. "Earmarks," it says, "are funds provided by Congress for projects or programs where the Congressional direction (in bill or report language) circumvents the merit-based or competitive allocation process, or specifies the location or recipient, or otherwise curtails the ability of the executive branch to properly manage funds."
Got it? When the sirex woodwasp dies at the hands of a Congressionally appropriated dollar, the poor thing is the unconscionable victim of taxpayer abuse. Its more noble and "merit-based" demise, however, lies in the crosshairs of the executive branch's earma... ah, "properly managed funds."
Which is short for "spreading the loot where it will do the most political good." Which is also, I thought, precisely the pillaging mindset that Republicans had been running from, now that their historic looting of epic dimensions has finally caught up with them.
But I was wrong. For there they sit, according to the second story, favorably pondering the benefits of Mr. Bush's political warmth -- he of "properly managed funds" and an approval rating hovering at the sea level of Death Valley, and largely because of the notable ideological apostasy noted above.
There really is, it appears, a provable psychological foundation for the whole "death-wish" thing. I quote the proof: "As Republicans coalesce around Senator John McCain of Arizona as their party’s 2008 presidential nominee, top advisers to Mr. McCain said they were eager for Mr. Bush’s embrace."
That has simply got to be one of those miracles that Mr. Huckabee, with tin foil on top, has been gibbering about.
And it gets better. "Terry Nelson, who was political director of Mr. Bush’s 2004 re-election campaign, said that despite Mr. Bush’s unpopularity and what many assume to be a desire among voters to see a change, Republicans remained largely unified on major efforts."
And better yet. Said Mr. Nelson: "There’s no significant effort to repudiate the last eight years." By that he meant there would be no party-wide effort to repudiate Bush.
For now, anyway, they're intent on campaigning on the status quo -- you know, the one that has led us to the carefree, happy-go-lucky Republic in which we live today.
Here's to hoping their intention stays intact. Yet just as Huckabee's "miracle" is about to expire, so too, I suspect, will the GOP's enthusiasm for Bush's embrace. For it's just too hard to imagine that any organized pack of pols could be that suicidal -- even the clinically depressed Republicans.