Last night's "Voters First" Republican Forum vividly demonstrated why Donald Trump, who wasn't there, is leading the pack. From what I saw, the man has no competition. If I were a right-wing partisan, you bet I'd support the Donald. He may be a "jackass," an imposter, a P.T. Barnum, even a Lord Cardigan leading a futile charge of the lightweight brigade. But at least he's leading a charge of some sort. His opponents are flat on their backs, or just flat.
The NYT's Jeremy Peters and Michael Barbaro describe the Trumpless snooze from New Hampshire as "strikingly uneven," which implies high points, which I guess I missed. I didn't see all of the amateur pageant, but what I did see was an oxymoronic cattle call of extraordinary banality.
John Kasich rambled on about a balanced-budget amendment — perhaps the dumbest constitutional idea to come down the pike since Prohibition; Rick Santorum blathered about a universal flat tax of 20 percent, which, if possible, is even dumber; Rick Perry was still somniferously animated; Ben Carson stumbled through an incoherent exposition of "health savings accounts" — a dumbness that just won't die; Lindsey Graham proposed, with manly wimpishness, a "clenched fist or open hand" policy toward the Yellow Peril; and Chris Christie, in maybe the only invigorating moment of the entire snooze, blurted to the host, "Jack, you saying I’m washed up?"
And then there was Bush, poor Jeb Bush, the feckless Floridian of familial farce. Listening to this guy, one might ponder an overdose of narcotics — this one did — if one wasn't sure the rhetorical pain would soon stop. Suffer, for instance, this sampling of rehearsed JebSpeak from last night: "My dad is the probably the most perfect man alive, so it’s very hard for me to be critical of him. In fact, I’ve got a T-shirt that says, uh, at the Jeb swag store, that says I’m the, um, I’m the, my dad’s the greatest man alive. If you don’t like it, I’ll take you outside."
That's a fearsome threat, but only because your beating would be neither quick nor comprehensible.
Jeb also hurled a self-contradiction of stellar bafflement; that is, it transcended mere contradiction and galloped straight to the Platonic Ideal of Celestial Quackery. In ISIS, he said, we see nothing less than "a war against Western Civilization." The host took this seriously. Would Bush, then, upon the advice of his generals, put U.S. ground forces in Syria if those generals told him that such forces "could significantly cut down ISIS strongholds" in only "a month or so"? Bush replied that he "would take the advice of the military very seriously" — but, "I'm not sure that's necessary."
In a war that threatens all of Western Civilization and, indeed, our very existence? If, as president, I really believed that, I wouldn't wait for invasion advice from my generals. I'd be constitutionally obligated to take the strategic helm, as Lincoln and FDR ultimately did. Yet Bush, politically speaking, and courtesy of T.R., has William McKinley's "backbone" of a "chocolate eclair."
I'll say it again. If I were a right-wing partisan, I would see no options. "Donald Trump or Bust" would be my rallying cry, more Animal House's Otter's than Lord Cardigan's: "I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!" And Trump is just the man, the only man, it seems, to do it.
If you're going to tell a lame anecdote it should at least have the virtue of truthfulness. There is no such shirt available from the Jeb campaign store. Nor can I find one anywhere else. Does Jeb know about the internet?
Is Christie washed up? Does that mean that the tides of politics have marooned him on a beach? Not officially perhaps but if I were him I'd give up my run for POTUS and take a run at the office of FLOTUS.
Posted by: Peter G | August 04, 2015 at 10:15 AM
Thank you sir! May I have another?
Posted by: shsavage | August 04, 2015 at 10:18 AM
The Republicans have already crossed the line to pathetic and keep looking for more pathetic lines to cross. The "war on women" has been resurrected in response to an already discredited video. Louisiana Loser Booby ( http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33750417 ) Jindal cut state Medicaid funds for Planned Parenthood 75% yesterday. Last week once-potential-candidate Indiana Governor Mike Pence, the living reincarnation of Cotton Mather's anus, attempted a supporting role by ordering investigations of Planned Parenthood facilities in the state. The Indiana Department of Health found no evidence of illegalities.
Chris Christie would make marijuana use illegal in all the states and bellowed the 1960's golden oldies that pot is a gateway drug and addictive. Both ideas are unproven after 50 years of study. He's probably washed up with the libertarian wing at the very least.
Several others are flogging the undisputed Republican favorite tax reform with renewed ferocity. Paul and Perry want a one-page federal tax form. Cruz and Huckabee want to abolish the Internal Revenue Service. All the rest have various hair-brained schemes to make sure rich people are not inconvenienced and all freight is paid by the bottom 99%. And of course some can't wait to drop more bombs on the Middle East. No pharmaceuticals could make these cookie-cutter clowns interesting.
Posted by: Bob | August 04, 2015 at 10:41 AM
I was very excited to try out my new software, and live blogged it. But by the end of the first candidate (Rick Perry), I had decided I wouldn't go past the first round. It was so painful. You are right that it was boring. It was also annoying. The moderator set it up so that each candidate could just spout talking points for five minutes.
I'm sure that the Fox News debate will be more lively. But I don't think I will live blog it or probably even watch it. I expect the Democratic debates to be substantive. And the general election debates might be interesting. But the Republicans really don't disagree about anything. In the first hour of yesterday's forum, I don't think anyone said anything that any of the others disagreed with. (Maybe something minor that Rand Paul talked about.)
I was also amazed just how much they talked about Planned Parenthood. They really are the worst people in the world. ISIS is in an existential threat to the United States. But the Republican Party may well be.
Posted by: Frank Moraes | August 04, 2015 at 12:27 PM
Frank, this is the only reasonable approach:
http://reverbpress.com/politics/reverb-press-2016-gop-presidential-debate-drinking-game/
Posted by: shsavage | August 04, 2015 at 12:43 PM
Ha! I actually mentioned to a commenter that in the past I've blogged debates drunk. I think there is a lot to be said for it. For one thing, it brings me down to their level. For another, it makes it funny. Yesterday, I was angry. And exhausted.
Posted by: Frank Moraes | August 04, 2015 at 03:34 PM
That's a good game. I've got more specifically for Trump along with Trump-themed drinks to go with them at my blog.
http://crazyeddiethemotie.blogspot.com/2015/08/drinks-and-drinking-games-for-donald.html
Posted by: Neon Vincent | August 04, 2015 at 03:42 PM
You are one impressive researcher, Neon Vincent. I regret having missed out on Trump vodka and the opportunity to display a Milton Glaser bottle. There just ain't enough class in the world.
Posted by: Bob | August 04, 2015 at 06:55 PM