The funniest, battiest, worst piece of writing I have ever read. Really.

I have found it. I have found Plato's Ideal of online madness, in what is generally termed "a rant." There are rants, and then there is that supernal, Platonic Form of the rant, which we lessers can only aspire to. Writing for Townhall.com, one Kurt Schlichter (in German, "schlicht" means "simple," and boy does he prove it) soars to the polemical heavens and descends utterly deranged. His has got to be the most perfect kernel of "Fucking nuts" I have ever had the pleasure to read. You really should read seine schlichte Wahrheit — his simple truth — in its full, Platonic Form. You'll thank me. Believe me, you'll thank me. If you haven't the time, though, here are some highlights:

In a reality show election starring Hillary Clinton, it takes real effort to be the most appalling, disgusting, and morally bankrupt character in the cast. Enter stage left Bernie Sanders, the "democratic" socialist. He’s not some cute curmudgeon who fights the little guy. He’s a committed adherent to an ideology that starved, tortured, and murdered north of 100 million people over the last century.

Even for the Democrat Party, which founded and nurtured the KKK, embracing a sycophant of psychotics is a mortifying new low….

A socialist is one who places the state above the individual, who rejects the notion that human beings have any natural rights and, instead, believes that "rights" are mere privileges to be granted or withdrawn at a dictator’s whim….

Socialist ideology is not amenable to tolerating opposition, and lo and behold, none of the tyrannies that Sanders and his pack of murder-apologists fetishize ever do.

Along the way, Schlichter says Sanders is "dirtbag Sanders," a "lover of mass murderers," a "butcher-enabler," and a "wretched piece of walking, talking excrement."

I once thought that Stonekettle.com's Jim Wright was the world's worst writer, largely because of his altogether unembarrassed references to his bloated machismo, derived from safely defending us all while in uniform. But I'm so sorry, Jim; I'm stripping you of that honorific. For I now quote Kurt: "At the time Sanders was sucking up to [the U.S.S.R. on his homeymoon], it was America’s sworn enemy. I know – I sat on the free side of the Iron Curtain in uniform prepared to die in place holding its hordes back in the event they decided to cross into West Germany." What a guy. I know I couldn't have handled the manly stress of peaceful West Germany.

It seems Kurt was also defending us from, and is now defending us from, you guessed it, Nazism:

And let’s not forget the fraternal twin brother socialism never talks about, the one Sanders and his socialist pals want to deny but who best encapsulates what they are about – the Nazis. Yes, we all know how socialists spaz out when you point out that the National Socialist Worker’s Party was a socialist party, but facts matter. Stormtrooper shirt brown is just another color in the leftist rainbow.

Leaves you speechless, does it not? I know I'm in awe. And Kurt Schlichter? Somewhere, I hope, he's again flying high — where Plato is still applauding.

 

Comments

[Bob]

He's lucky to have finished the piece before spittle shorted out the keyboard.

[Peter G]

to put this in perspective, at Townhall I believe they consider such as Herr Schlicter to be a bit of a squish.

[David & Son of Duff]

I cannot see much difference in spleen between Mr. Schlicter's lively prose and that of our distinguished host when he is in full-on grumpy-mode.

More important, I cannot see any factual inaccuracies, either!

'HillBilly' is all those things he describes, socialism does place the state above the individual and National Socialism was socialist.

So what's not to like?

[Peter G]

I believe you. But then you have repeatedly demonstrated you cannot tell the difference between anybody you disagree with and Stalin. To be honest it's become part of your charm. Sadly the noble dream of conservatives seems forever lost. Gone forever are the days when men were men, and more importantly could own other men, before women were allowed to vote, or rotten boroughs and wealth limited the franchise. It!s been all downhill since the Magna Carta.

[Bob]

What's not to like indeed? With the right going on about rounding up 11 million immigrants, how the Egyptian pyramids were built as grain silos, how they're going to "straighten out" Putin and the Middle East by being "tough"; with that and stuff like Schlicter's lively prose playing well to people in their second childhoods if they ever made it to adulthood at all, it's a good time to be a liberal.